On September 13, 2009, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards. This much is certain. It is, frankly, the only objective statement that one could make regarding the incident. Many events could have led Kanye to rush the stage on live television, but the blogosphere seemed rather content to align itself with the "Kanye West is just an egotistical jackass" argument. West, in the aftermath of the incident, seemingly went into hiding, only to emerge over a year later from Hawaii with his magnum opus, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, an album within which he pondered his status as a figure of society before ultimately giving a toast to himself as the best there is. The album was so highly praised that West was able to immerse himself back into the spotlight, and people seemed willing to forget the VMA incident.
Upon hearing Yeezus, however, I am fully convinced that the VMAs was part of the plan. I can imagine it now, Kanye and Jay-Z in a VIP section of a nightclub in early Autumn 2009. Kanye is lost in thought. Suddenly he turns to Jay-Z and flashes a grin. "Okay, who's the biggest pop star right now?" he asks.
"Probably Taylor Swift," Jay-Z replies, sipping a very expensive vodka. "Everybody loves her. She's the media's darling."
"You think she's gonna win a VMA?"
"Probably. I'd say Best Female Video. Beyonce will win overall though, hers was one of the best videos of all time," Jay-Z says. "Of all time," he repeats.
"I'm gonna interrupt her acceptance speech. I'm gonna go up there, take the microphone, and say how Beyonce should have won. Even though we all know she'll win later in the show," Kanye says, the grin never leaving his face.
"Why would you do that? Everybody would hate you for it, and they'd think you're stupid for not realizing Beyonce still could win later in the show," Jay-Z replies, utterly confused.
"That's the point. They'll all hate me. I'll get roasted by the media. They'll all say that I'm an egotistical jackass, and an idiot too. They'll say it doesn't matter how good my music is, because I made a fool of myself at the VMAs, and they won't play any of my songs on the radio," says Kanye.
"So why do it?"
"Because then I'm gonna buy a one-way ticket to Hawaii. And I'm gonna rent a bungalow on the beach and buy out the entire recording studio for a year. And then I'm gonna fly in Kid Cudi, and Nicki Minaj, and you, and John Legend, and maybe that guy with the band who's name I don't know how to pronounce right. With the I in it," Kanye says.
"Bon Iver?"
"That's the one. And I'm gonna make the greatest album ever, and it will be so good that Rolling Stone will make another issue of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time list just so they can include it," he says.
Jay-Z takes another sip of vodka. It didn't make sense to him. "Why go through all that trouble at the VMAs? Why not just go to Hawaii and not make everybody hate you?" he asks.
"The whole point is that everybody is gonna hate me and I'm gonna make an album that throws their hate right in their faces. And they'll forget they hated me, just cause the album will be that good," Kanye says.
"That's a dark twisted fantasy," Jay-Z says, shaking his head.
"And not only will I make everybody love me, but Kim Kardashian is gonna have my baby too."
"What!?" Jay-Z exclaims, "She's dating Reggie Bush!"
"I know. But she's gonna move on to a basketball player next, and marry him, and then I'm gonna steal her and she's gonna get pregnant with my baby while she's still married to him," Kanye replies.
"Are you insane!? And how long have you been planning this?" Jay-Z asks, dumbfounded.
"Don't worry about it. So yeah, she'll be pregnant, and then she'll get a divorce. And we're gonna be the biggest couple in America. But I know she's gonna get a lot more attention than me when the baby is about to come, so what I'm gonna do is go to Paris for a while and make another album there," Kanye says.
"Even if this plan does work up until this point, you wouldn't want to stay with her while she's pregnant? Isn't that, like, an abandonment of fatherly morals?" asks Jay-Z.
"Well that's part of it too. I'm Kanye West. I'm not a secondhand man to a reality show personality. And just to prove that to everybody, I'm gonna drop the album a day or two before the baby's due date."
"That's just bad business. Nobody would pay attention to the album because they've been focusing on this hypothetical baby for nine months," Jay-Z says.
"Nah. I'm gonna tweet the date of the release a month ahead of time so they know it's coming," Kanye says.
"What about advertising? You don't really think one tweet will do the job, do you?"
"Yes it will. I'm Kanye West. And then the album will drop and nobody will pay attention to the baby. And not only that, but I'm gonna sing about some other chick in all of the songs. But nobody will care, because the album will be fantastic."
"This is unbelievable. That's like, four years of a huge master plan. I don't think you can pull that off," Jay-Z says, putting on his coat to leave for the night.
"Yes I can," Kanye replies. "I'm Kanye West."
