But First Fridays: Your Weekly Big Brother Power Rankings - Week 8

SPOILER ALERT: Once again, the results of the HOH competition weren’t on the show, but thanks to the feeds, we know who won the second HOH of the night.  So if you’d rather wait until Sunday’s episode to find out, then this post might not be for you.

Last Week’s HOH: Becky, Trecky, Trainwrecky, whatever you want to call her

Last Week’s Nominees: Steve and Shelli

Last Week’s Veto Winner: Steve

Did he use the veto?: Of course he did, and Vanessa was put up in his place

Votes for Eviction: 8-0 to evict Shelli; in the second eviction of the night, it was 6-1 to evict Jackie

New Head of Household: It was double eviction night, so Steve won HOH for a few hours.  But later in the evening they had their second HOH competition, and Liz won

Any new twists?: It was finally double eviction night, so it was a big episode.  The jury also officially began last night, with Shelli and Jackie as the first two members.

OUR THOUGHTS:

JAIME: It was another huge week in the Big Brother house.  Last week’s HOH competition once again outran Thursday’s live show, so it took until Sunday’s episode to find out that Becky had won, also earning herself a pass that prevents her from ever being a have-not again.  And she took advantage of her new power almost immediately: she grabbed James, Meg, and Jackie and outlined a plan right away.  That plan?  Nominate Shelli and Steve, then backdoor Vanessa.

And unlike the big plans we’ve seen laid out in the past couple weeks, Becky was smart.  She told everyone to keep it quiet, and kept most of the details to herself.  Anyone outside her alliance (AKA Vanessa) was told that Johnny Mac was the backdoor target.

Everything was working in her favor.  Steve won the veto, in a competition recycled from last season where each player would have to zipline past a window that showed each houseguest on the cover of a comic book.  They then had to put the covers in the correct order, a task complicated by the fact that there were two versions of each cover and they had to spot the subtle differences to find the correct one.  Whoever got the covers in the correct order in the fastest time won veto.  Steve ultimately won and took himself off the block, but Meg came in second, to everyone’s surprise (and when I say everyone’s surprise, I mostly mean my own).  She still hasn’t won anything, but she’s trying.  Kind of.  At least a little bit.

As planned, Becky named Vanessa as a replacement nominee, and for a while, everything seemed perfect.  Johnny and Becky had caught onto Vanessa’s manipulation of everything in the house, and for a few days, everyone was united in the plan to evict her.  Aaaaand then, because this is Big Brother and the houseguests live to piss me off, they all flipped.  Even though Vanessa spent like two full days crying about how she can’t trust anyone and how she’s the only logical person in the house and everyone else is just manipulative and doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings (yeah, okay), Shelli ultimately became the bigger target.  All because she thought James had one of Clay’s shirts.  Seriously, that’s the conflict that started turning everyone off the plan to evict Vanessa.  Once again, Clelli is ruining everything.

In what might be the most beautifully poetic moment of the season, Shelli was evicted by a unanimous vote - just like Clay was last week.  It must be fate.  But don’t forget, this week was double eviction, so as soon as Shelli left (off to become the first member of the jury), the remaining houseguests were shuttled outside for the first HOH competition of the night.

Earlier that day, the houseguests were shown different short videos from throughout the season.  The competition was a true/false challenge, based on those videos.  It only took a few minutes to get down to Austin, Steve, and John, with Steve ultimately triumphing.  He only had a few minutes to think about his nominations, and in what...probably wasn’t the best decision, to put it charitably, he nominated Meg and Jackie...Yeah, no one in the house understood why, either.

Then almost immediately, it was time for the veto.  Steve, Meg, and Jackie were joined by John, James, and Vanessa.  They had to tilt a platform and get three balls into three holes, and whoever did it first won.  Our boy Johnny Mac won, and after a quick conversation with Steve, he decided not to use the veto.  After a 6-1 vote, Jackie was evicted, joining Shelli on the jury.  Also, while we’re at it, can someone get me a phone call or something with James so I can ask him why he thought voting to keep Meg would be better for his game?  Really?  Meg?

Anyway, my issues with Meg aside, a second HOH competition was held later, after the live show had ended, and while we don’t know the details of the competition, we know that - SPOILER ALERT - Liz won.  Which means we’re probably going to see a lot of Austin on the show next week.  Joy.

It was an incredibly exciting week in the house, made more exciting by the fact that the house more or less split into three factions: you have Vanessa/Austin/Liz/Julia, as always, and Jackie/James/Meg.  But throughout the course of the week, and especially once the decision was made to flip on Becky’s plan, Becky/Steve/John were forced to band together.  And, thanks in part to the other houseguests noticing how often John gets called to the DR and deciding he must be part of another twist, Becky/Steve/John became huge targets for the other two sides of the house.  So things are a little delicate right now, especially for our favorite rock star dentist.

But with all that out of the way, let’s get to this week’s power rankings:

9. Meg

GARRETT: Meg is a special kind of awful Big Brother player. She doesn’t self destruct like a Willie Hantz or Chima, she doesn’t unnecessarily lie like an Audrey, and she isn’t quite being dragged to the end like a Victoria purely because she can’t win. But when you’re crying your eyes out at the end of every single week, with another of your “peeps” evicted “out of nowhere”, it might be time to do some re-evaluation. Meg has single-handedly imploded her alliance. She didn’t believe Audrey when she revealed the Sixth Sense in the FOURTH week. She sat around idly while Jason’s backdoor was being constructed. The girl makes bad decision after bad decision and just doesn’t see how she’s doing anything wrong. It’s honestly impressive at this point. But it’s unfortunate because I happen to like everybody tied to her that keeps getting picked off one by one.

JAIME: Meg does this thing now where she makes jokes about how bad she is at competitions.  And how she hasn’t won anything.  But she doesn’t seem to realize that there’s nothing funny about it?  This is week eight of the game and she has done absolutely nothing.  Sure, she came close to winning veto this week, but the thing is, she didn’t win.  For a while I at least understood that her side of the house needed her as a number, but now with Jackie gone, the Jackie/James/Meg group is done.  They just don’t have the numbers in the same way, especially if John and Becky remain targets.  So literally Meg, we don’t need you, you’re free to go at any time.  Unless you decide to start winning comps.

8. John

JAIME: Without question, Johnny Mac is still our favorite.  And after lying low for most of the game, he finally stepped up this week.  He figured out that Vanessa’s had a hand in every big decision the house has made, and he was part of the plan to backdoor her this week.  He’s done trusting her, which gives him a leg up over the rest of the house, who either don’t believe that she’s been quite as manipulative as John insists she is, or just flat out doesn’t think Vanessa has any control over the game (Meg.  It’s Meg who doesn’t think that.  It’s always Meg).  But unfortunately, he became a huge target this week, and absolutely would have been evicted if his partner Steve hadn’t won HOH.  That target on his back definitely isn’t going anywhere any time soon, which sucks for everyone because if he goes home, I’m just going to complain about it for the rest of the season.

GARRETT: Johnny’s biggest hinderance was Meg and James’s inability to see that Vanessa was the head of the snake in need of eviction this week. Granted, I fault Shelli for getting too comfortable on the block and allowing Vanessa to slither her way out of the situation, but had Vanessa been evicted, John would have had a strong foursome of Steve, Becky, Shelli and himself. He just wasn’t counting on an illogical flip - one that’s happened time and time again this season - to change his standing. And yet, after the double eviction, John was in a decent spot, ready to simply take Jackie’s spot in the Goblins alliance. But with Liz winning HOH, his days look numbered, as she wants to take him out because of his status as a “wildcard”. Hopefully, Captain Veto has one more piece of magic to pull out of his bag of tricks. Otherwise, it’s likely sayonara for someone who has been one of the most genuinely likable, funny houseguests to play the game in years.

7. James

JAIME: After a killer run as HOH, James was in a great spot this week.  Becky was eager to carry through on his plan, and was even able to build on it to justify putting up Shelli, and keep the whole thing a secret from Vanessa.  But he was one of the first people to flip on the plan to evict Vanessa, and that could be his downfall.  If they wanted to bring down that alliance, Vanessa absolutely should have gone home over Shelli.  The longer Vanessa stays in the house, the more opportunities she has to confuse people, and the way things have gone, when people get confused, they vote out people on James’ side of the house.  I think John is a bigger target this week, but James might be right behind him, and it’s really no one’s fault but his own.

GARRETT: James’s biggest issue is his short-sightedness. Shelli was going to come after him for sending home Clay, that much is true. But nobody else would have. The Austwins would have gunned for Johnny Mac. Keeping Vanessa in the game to get out the one person coming for James, even when that one person’s closest ally was just sent out the door, was a really, really poor decision on his part that ended with another one of his allies gone an hour later. I like James a lot and I think he brings a lot of character to the house, but he and Meg just can’t make any good decisions. It’s a miracle he’s made it this far, and if he lasts any longer, I’m no longer counting on him to make the right call.

6. Becky

GARRETT: Becky tried her damndest to get Meg and James to see the light and evict Vanessa. She did everything she could, and it looked like she had it in the bag. Unfortunately, her plan fell through and she remains in the minority group. She’s Vanessa’s target for sure, but if Johnny doesn’t win the Veto, she should be alright for another week, and that week may be enough to shake up the house once more. She’s basic and talks in circles a bit, but she sees the balance of power more than any other player in there. If Johnny goes, I’m all aboard the Becky train, pun fully intended.

JAIME: Okay it’s probably time for me to state for the record that I fully enjoy any reference of any kind to the fact that Becky got hit by a train.  Does that make me a bad person?  Maybe.  But at least I didn’t create a comic book cover where she’s a superhero who can hit harder than a train.  

GARRETT: My pun was funny though.

JAIME: The Big Brother producers will always be worse than me, and I take comfort in that.  Anyway.  Becky is basic, but she was one of the smartest players this week.  She knew exactly what she wanted to do as HOH, and moreover, she knew exactly how to play Vanessa.  Her insistence that she could handle Vanessa because she has experience dealing with customers on Black Friday might be one of the most iconic lines ever on this show.  She has Vanessa completely figured out, and considering that she’s one of two people in the house who’s onto Vanessa’s game, that’s huge.  With Shelli gone, I think Becky’s ties to that side of the house are officially cut, so there’s nothing holding her back from joining up with James, Meg, and John and charging full steam ahead (pun fully intended).  

5. Steve

JAIME: Steve...didn’t exactly handle his short reign as HOH well.  No one understood why he nominated Meg and Jackie - it turns out that Vanessa had planted the idea with him that Jackie had said Steve was her biggest target, so thanks to that misinformation, Steve blew up the alliance that probably would have been his best chance in the game.  But after the eviction, James, Meg, and Becky talked it out with him, and they understand why he made the choices he did.  Plus he got in with Austin and the twins, so while I don’t think he’s totally safe for now, he’s at least in a good enough spot to not have to worry about the next week or two.

GARRETT: Steve is just an easily manipulatable person. He doesn’t have any social game, so he relies on other people to put things together for him. He and Johnny had a conversation in the bathroom where John convinced him that Vanessa needed to be taken out, and Steve needed John to repeat things three and four times in order to understand the point. And while Steve finally got the point at the end of the conversation, he still doesn’t understand that sometimes, the people piecing things together for him are really just playing him like a fiddle. For someone with so much Big Brother knowledge, the guy just can’t get off the ground and play the game. Vanessa jumped all over that opportunity with him early on. I give her credit for doing so, but I shake my head at Steve more often than I thought I would when the game started.

4. Vanessa

JAIME: I am so, so tired of Vanessa’s gameplay.  She strikes up deals with anyone she can get in a room long enough to get the question out, then when someone turns on her (which happens a lot, given that by now most people are just accepting deals to shut her up, not out of actual loyalty), she cries and cries about how she’s so alone in this game, and then criticizes everyone else’s gameplay.  Still, I have to credit her with how much control she’s had throughout this entire game, and with a member of her alliance as HOH this week, she doesn’t have anything to worry about.  She’ll be up in the HOH room all week long, pulling everyone’s strings and probably striking up a few more deals.

GARRETT: Vanessa is a manipulator. That’s what she does, and she’s very good at it. All the talk about how she hates liars and demands integrity only feeds into that reputation that she’s created for herself. My problem with her is that she goes into the diary room and convinces herself that she really is a straight shooter playing without an alliance, which she isn’t. I’ll give her credit for getting out of a major jam, but I wonder just how much the Big Brother house has gotten to her when she’s pulling a George Costanza and believing her own lies.

3. Julia

JAIME: Julia literally has nothing to worry about this week with her twin sister as HOH - if anything, she might be in a slightly better position after the week is over, because while Liz has to deal with any potential consequences of her decisions as HOH, Julia won’t be held accountable for anything.  She’s still a target, of course, given that she’s part of the strongest partnership in the house, but for some reason, no one seems to be thinking of the twins as a major threat to get out (yes, Steve, I’m talking to you).  Maybe things will be different next week, but right now, she’s in a great spot.

GARRETT: Julia has been such a disappointment for me entertainment wise. It was fun to see her kindle relationships with people while playing half of Liz’s game, but now, she just talks a lot of crap and hangs out with Vanessa. She bores me and I want her to lose. But that would be something that would make me happy, and that never happens in Big Brother.

2. Liz

JAIME: Okay, admittedly, I’m not thinking too highly of Liz right now since apparently she does actually like Austin.  I have a lot I could say about that, but I’ll keep it to myself.  If there was a perfect time to win an HOH, then this was the perfect time for Liz.  Especially now that the house is moving toward three different factions, it was only a matter of time before people turned on Liz: after all, she’s part of two major partnerships in the house.  Whatever decisions she makes, whoever she puts up, whoever she votes to evict, she’s got two people behind her who are going to make the exact same calls.  But no one in the house seems to realize that, so I guess for a while I’ll just be yelling at the other houseguests while I watch at home.  But right now, with Jackie’s eviction, that side of the house is weakened, and Liz is perfectly poised to strike.  If she plays it right, she could resolidify her alliance and help them gain back control for more than a week at a time.

GARRETT: Liz should be the biggest target in the house because she’s the glue holding a three person alliance together. Nobody has come to the realization that Julia is a free agent if Liz is gone because of her disdain for Austin. Right now, that secret is Liz’s key to the half million dollars. Even with this HOH, she hasn’t angered anybody and likely won’t if she gets John out. Seeing her win was the last thing I wanted, but it is what it is. I hope her and Austin have a solid two week relationship once they get out of the house.

1.Austin

JAIME: Believe me, I couldn’t be more unhappy about this.  But unfortunately, with the drama surrounding Vanessa this week and any potential lingering anger about Steve’s reign as HOH, Austin’s not on anyone’s radar this week.  And with Liz as HOH?  He’s definitely safe for another week, at the very least.  Plus if anyone’s going to go after their side of the house, the twins are going to be a bigger target.  Oh, and apparently Liz has started to have actual feelings for him, so that’s apparently a thing that’s going to continue, and I’ll just be watching along at home, trying not to vomit everywhere.  

GARRETT: Austin also remains the only player left in the game to have not been nominated a single time. That’s not a small feat, especially because he looked like a dead man walking in week four. But the Dr. Will Veto Speech tactic, in which Austin pleaded for safety for two weeks so that he could simply make it to jury, may have been his finest hour. Since that 24 hour period, Austin has not been anybody’s target and is protected within a monster of a three person alliance that holds power this week. With only eight people in the house after this week, his alliance’s three votes become the majority in the house. That is huge, and I can’t believe he and the twins aren’t the target when they’re such an obvious majority.

But First Fridays: Your Weekly Big Brother Power Rankings - Week 7

SPOILER ALERT: Like last week, the HOH competition didn’t end with Thursday’s episode. But we know who won, and are including this knowledge in this week’s rankings.

Last Week’s HOH: James

Last Week’s Nominees: Shelli and Clay (BLESS)

Last Week’s Veto Winner: James

Did he use the veto?: No, thankfully, and Clelli remained on the block together.

Votes for Eviction: 8-0 to evict Clay.  Thank GOD.

New Head of Household: In the world’s biggest plot twist, Becky

Any new twists?: Absolutely none.  Does anyone but us remember that we were promised a takeover a week?  Come on, Julie Chen, don’t lie to us. There’s a double eviction on Thursday, but it’s been expected for a while, so we aren’t counting it as a twist.

Our thoughts:

JAIME: This was one of the most exciting weeks we’ve had so far this season.  Finally someone who wasn’t Vanessa or controlled by Vanessa was running the house.  James’ HOH win gave us the potential for drama in the house, and he absolutely delivered.  Sunday’s episode showed us the end of last week’s HOH endurance competition - it got down to James, Shelli, and Johnny Mac, and after two hours of enduring a perpetually tilting wall, bird attacks, and artificial rain, Shelli’d had enough.  She made a deal with James to keep herself and Clay safe, and then she jumped, giving him the power for the week.

Once the competition was over, James met up with his alliance to figure out their plan for the week.  His target?  Clelli.  He didn’t care about the promise he’d made her because, after all, she and Vanessa had made him a promise the week before that they didn’t keep.  Unable to figure out who to put up as a pawn, he decided to bypass the idea of backdooring one of them entirely and just put them both up on the block right away.  It was a bold move, and I’m so glad he did it.  Having Battle of the Block sort of requires the HOH to backdoor their target, and once Julie announced that particular part of the game was over, I was excited to see how the houseguests would adjust their games.  And, thankfully, James adjusted quickly.

Of course, not everyone in the house was as excited to see Clay and Shelli up on the block as I was.  The Sixth Sense sort of...fell apart as soon as James took control of the house.  Shelli whined to anyone who would listen about how she and Clay were targets.  Vanessa was scrambling to try and figure out what James was thinking.  And Austin was busy kissing Liz again (I don’t want to talk about it).  After a fantasy-themed veto competition, complete with a Game of Thrones pun, James won the power of veto, and chose to keep his nominations the same.  That meant a member of the Sixth Sense was definitely going home - and naturally, Clay petitioned the house to vote to evict him rather than Shelli.  Because, like, true love or something.  The house went back and forth for a bit, and at one point there was almost a unanimous decision to evict Shelli instead.  But they swayed back and ultimately, Clay was evicted.

GARRETT: The decision to evict Clay was up in the air for quite some time, and it looked like the house was headed for a 5-4 decision until about three hours before the live eviction. At that point, a (low volume) fight erupted, the result of which was the house deciding on Clay unanimously as the one to evict. I won’t give too much information, because the fight is sure to be shown on Sunday’s episode, but the fight’s consequences will be reflected in the rankings.

Before we get to it, though, I’d like to talk a little about Clay. Clay was an attractive guy who got asked to appear on the show because he met the casting director at a Lakers game. I get that recruits are a part of the casting process, but it was clear from very early on that Clay was not in the house to win Big Brother. He was there to enjoy himself and to enjoy his showmance, and once he was out of power, he gave up entirely. It made a mockery of the game and I’m glad to see him gone. I would tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out of the Big Brother house, but thankfully, he’s gone and we can move on from his stupidity once and for all.

All in all, it was a pretty great week in the Big Brother house.  And Clelli has finally been separated!  So let’s get to this week’s power rankings:

11. Vanessa

JAIME: Vanessa’s been controlling the house since week 2, and while she’s definitely capable of coming up with big plans to keep her alliance’s hold on the house, she’s also paranoid and prone to overthinking every move she makes.  And of course, the second she lost power, she spiraled.  She tried to get eight people to band together and give their word that they wouldn’t put each other up in the double eviction, and, most importantly, she picked a huge fight that got the entire house’s attention.  People have finally started to see where Vanessa stands in the house, and she’s losing people’s trust.  Right now she’s the main target for the week, and even if she somehow manages to escape the first eviction this week, I can’t see her surviving the second.

GARRETT: People who talk too much always get figured out sooner or later, and it’s usually by the people who stay relatively silent, waiting for their opportunity to strike. This fight was one too many for Vanessa, whose paranoid antics seem to be sealing her fate. She’s smart enough to possibly steal a Veto this week and maybe an HOH during double eviction, but as Jaime said, I wouldn’t count on her slithering her way through the game much longer.

10. Shelli

GARRETT: Shelli has gotten an absolutely brutal edit on CBS, and is not looked upon favorably by many people watching the show. I think a lot of that had to do with her relationship with Clay. When a power couple holds dominion over the house for as long as they did, they’re bound to become targets at some point. CBS’s edit showed her kicking and screaming all the way to Clay’s eviction, and made it look like she was a selfish person unable to see that she had simply gotten outdueled by James in the HOH competition. But I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt now that she’s in a really rough spot. Hopefully, without Mr. Prissypants by her side, she can restructure her game moving forward.

JAIME: I had a lot of problems with how Shelli handled herself this week.  She kind of acted like no one had ever been put on the block before.  Actually, maybe more like eviction wasn’t even a usual part of the game.  Compare her to Vanessa, who can at least acknowledge when something is a game move and thus doesn’t take things personally.  Shelli took her and Clay’s nominations incredibly personally, and acted as if James was the first person in the history of the show to ever go back on his word (which just proved how little she understands the show, but I digress).  This week revealed to her that she’s a huge target in the house, and in return she revealed to the house that she cannot handle losing control.  That’s something every Big Brother player has to go through.  The thing about being the game, and being a strong player, is how you climb back up.  Shelli could not handle losing her spot and her precious Clay, and the way she handled herself this week really gave the houseguests zero incentive to want to keep her around.

9. Steve

JAIME: I still want to love Steve.  I think in real life I’d be friends with him, and probably baking him his favorite cookies every week.  At face value, Steve’s at a pretty okay spot in the game: he’s got alliances with Vanessa and John, so two people with a lot of sway on both sides of the house have got his back.  And even though we know he’s not Becky’s target this week, he’s not exactly in a good position, since the HOH hates him and he hates her right back (also, can we talk about how Steve and Becky randomly loathe each other and how hilarious it is?).  He’s also still afraid to really step up and find out for himself what’s going on in the house.  I think he spent a lot of time being pushed aside and being told to trust other people to make plans, and now he’s accepted that as his role in the house.  He needs to get his head in the game because right now, he’s still the easiest target in the house.  He’d be the first one to go if an HOH didn’t want to get blood on their hands.  If he can prove himself to be valuable to more people in the house, he’d be in a much better spot.

GARRETT: Steve is also extremely slow on the comeup, and doesn’t understand a lot of the reasons why certain people should and should not be trusted. He talks to the camera a lot trying to figure things out for himself, but even with worlds of information, often comes up short way too often. Steve needs a competition win, and badly, as we said last week. His situation won’t change until he wins one and sees who starts running to him for deals and alliances. Being on the offering end of those deals hasn’t put him in a fantastic spot. And with Vanessa sitting squarely in the bullseye, his main confidant won’t be able to drag him much farther.

8. Meg

GARRETT: Meg is fortunate that James won HOH last week and Becky took it this week, because she gets to have a say in the nominations. I think she’s a lot better socially than she’s given credit for, and seems to have a solid relationship with a lot of people in the house. And sometimes people advance really far in the game because others know they can’t win competitions. But that’s not the honorable way of getting to the end in my mind. I know Meg will be in the final four, but of everybody left in the house, she’s the one with the smallest chance of getting jury votes based on her own individual efforts.

JAIME: Oh, Meg.  I think I have said every single week that I’m waiting for her to do something.  Anything.  And no, getting drunk and grinding on Clay doesn’t count, though that is the kind of content I like to see.  I can acknowledge that she needs to stay in the game for now - her side of the house needs her as a number, so while she doesn’t really take up much of a role in the house, she’s not going to be a target any time soon.  And because she’s not a target, she wouldn’t be the first person the other side of the house targets, meaning she could stick around for quite a while.  Please, Meg, for me, use your position in the house and actually do something.  Win a veto comp, I don’t care.  Just do something because right now, she’s the only person in the house who hasn’t done anything.

7. Liz

GARRETT: We have Liz ranked below Austin and Julia because she’s the glue that ties the three of them together. The other houseguests know this, so she’ll always be option number one to put on the block from anybody trying to break up the three-headed monster. But she’s been off the radar for a couple weeks now. I’d watch out if I were her during double eviction, however. That’s usually the opportune time to take out a power couple. With Clay gone, her and Julia are the last one left.

JAIME: Liz still has the disadvantage of being so closely associated with Austin and Vanessa.  She was never quite as social as Julia, and spends a lot of her time either with Austin or with Julia.  Like Garrett said, she’d be the first person to target from her group with Austin and Julia, and she hasn’t really given anyone a reason not to target her.  So far she’s kind of content with coasting, but I just can’t see that working for her for too much longer.

6. Austin

GARRETT: Austin is still solidly in the middle of the pack after his miracle save a couple weeks ago. He’s calmed down quite a bit and seems to be thinking a lot more with his brain than he used to be. His ally Vanessa is still the major target, but he’ll readily sacrifice her for the sake of the twins. Surely, the target will land on his back soon, but for now, he’s doing just fine.

JAIME: I swear to god if I have to see him kiss Liz one more time, or talk about kissing Liz, I might shoot myself.  He’s still a definite target because of his role in Jason’s eviction, but with Vanessa and Shelli being more vocal about their feelings on everyone else’s gameplay, Austin’s managed to shrink his target with no real effort.  He and the twins will always be a threat to everyone, but I think they can manage to get by for a few more weeks pretty easily.

5. Julia

GARRETT: Julia is just about as middle-of-the-road as I think you can get as of now. She’s not the target, but isn’t totally safe because of her association with Liz and Austin. This week she’s fine, but, as we said for Liz, she could be a target for double eviction night. I feel bad writing pretty much exactly the same thing for her as I did for Liz, and while there’s humor in that, I really can’t come up with much else to say about her this week.

JAIME: Julia’s been pretty mellow since she officially entered the house.  I think maybe it might have been smart for her to come in and continue with the connections she’d been building with people whenever she was pretending to be Liz, but instead she’s mostly just spending time with Liz and Austin.  Still, she’s probably the smallest target out of the three of them for now, which is why she’s above them in our rankings, but by staying so loyal to them, she’s not really giving the other houseguests a reason to want her to stay.  Hopefully she steps it up soon, because right now she’s not a real threat to anyone, and I’d hate to see her be evicted just because of her ties to Liz and Austin.

4. Jackie

GARRETT: Jackie definitely wins the Most Improved Player award, rising from our least favorite week 1 to one of our most cherished houseguests at the halfway mark. Jackie is quick to call out bullshit and won’t hesitate to make a big move. She hasn’t had power at any point in the game (besides holding co-HOH for eight hours), but has sat close to it in recent goings. She seems to be in every new deal and alliance, but isn’t a big target either. She’s definitely the dark horse to win the whole thing, and if people don’t start paying attention to her strong gameplay, she just might do so.

JAIME: I just love Jackie’s complete willingness to openly call people out.  It was something we didn’t get much early this season, with Vanessa controlling the house for four straight weeks and subtly creating situations in which someone gave her a valid reason to publicly react.  But Jackie is pretty open about her concerns, and isn’t afraid to shake things up.  She and James are the best chances their side of the house has to get rid of the remaining members of the Sixth Sense, and with their brazenness, it’s going to be so fun to watch.

3. Becky

GARRETT: Becky has played so many different roles this summer that it’s hard to predict where she’ll fall in the rankings each week. She’s up to third this week because of her HOH win, and seems to be rolling with the momentum and targeting the Sixth Sense. But it was just last week that Becky was ratting out James, Jackie and Meg to Clay and Shelli. John has protected her loyally, but she’s still attempting to play both sides of the house. Perhaps with this HOH she’ll be picking a side for good, but I wouldn’t count on it.

JAIME: First of all, can we just talk about how Becky got kale and a One Republic CD in her HOH basket?  Like, I’m glad she’s going after the biggest targets in the house, but oh my god Becky, could you be more basic?  Anyway.  I was worried when she won HOH this week because last week, she was telling Jackie that she was unwilling to make any big moves before the double eviction.  She definitely could have played it safe, but thankfully she decided to really play the game, and I like anyone who’s willing to play the game.  I think after last week, she’s officially on the good side - especially with Clay gone, that’s one less person willing to protect her (I mean, not that she was ever high on Clelli’s list of people to protect), but after working with the other side to get out their targets, I think she’ll be solid with James and all them from now on.  Also, please keep up the random hatred of Steve.  It might be my favorite thing about this season besides Johnny Mac’s diary room soundbites.

2. John

GARRETT: Johnny’s been our favorite since just about the start of the game. And while I give Jaime credit for turning me into a fan of his, I still had doubts about his gameplaying abilities. Jason called him out multiple times for never doing anything, and he was right about that. John basically let others play his game for him and avoided conflict. But finally, on Thursday, Johnny woke up and started playing. Vanessa confronted him in the way that she does, with the fast-talking, scream-crying thing that she’s perfected over 50 days, and he sat stone cold and let her put the target on her back. And then he brazenly began to pick apart her game to the other houseguests. John became aware that he’s Vanessa’s number one target, but with his close ally Becky in power, he might have gotten ahead of her, as so many players failed to do before they were sent out the door.

JAIME: I am just so happy about the week Johnny has had.  I’ve been waiting for him to step up as a gameplayer so that I can be justified in calling him my favorite, and finally he’s becoming the rock star dentist of our dreams.  With Clay gone and Vanessa finally revealing the cracks in her game, John’s free to stick with the people he genuinely trusts.  With Becky in control this week, he’s totally safe, and I could not be more thrilled.

1. James

GARRETT: James may just be the most brazen houseguest since Evel Dick. He’s worlds different from Season 8’s winner, but unlike anybody in recent history, has just been so unafraid of conflict when it comes to game moves. He was a bit slow to the step in figuring out the power alliance of the Sixth Sense, but grabbed his opportunity to make a major statement and ran with it. Shelli was his target last week, but he seemed content with breaking up the couple, and exited the week with more friends than foes. When you make such a big move in Big Brother, it’s difficult not to put the target on your own back. And when he was drawn into Thursday’s fight, he stirred up the animosity just enough before backing out and letting Vanessa take the target away from him. Major applause from us, and a well deserved spot at number one on the power rankings.

JAIME: I’m so thrilled with how James handled himself this week.  He was so unapologetic about breaking his word to Clay and Shelli, and so willing to stand up and make it clear that he was intent on tearing down the main alliance in the house.  And he got in two major fights this week, something that often can ruin a player’s game and make them an immediate target.  But he knew exactly how to handle himself, so after fighting with Clay and Vanessa, they were the ones who looked bad, not James.  He refused to back down, and stayed consistent to his plan, something that we haven’t seen much of this season.  He wasn’t on my radar much until a few weeks ago, but after what he accomplished this week, he’s absolutely one of my favorite houseguests, and definitely deserving of his spot in our rankings this week.

A Taylor Swift Superfan's Comprehensive, Song-by-Song Guide to 1989: A Decidedly Biased Album Review

By now, many of you have been made aware of the latest entry into the pop culture canon by Ms. Taylor Swift. It’s an album called 1989, named after the year of her birth, and it contains thirteen songs (plus three bonus tracks! Available at Target® now!). And it’s currently sweeping the nation, sure to debut at #1 on the Billboard charts, as each of the last three Swift albums have done.

You may also have been aware that the album is Swift’s first “documented, official pop album,” a veering away from the country-influenced, teardrops-on-my-guitar love songs that have made Swift famous and successful for the past eight years. As many critics have written, the album is indeed different, and yet, each song distinctly sounds like a Taylor Swift song (with the exception of one, which I’ll get to later). It’s a confusing, uncharted area for many of the millions who listen to Swift, either voluntarily or forcibly. So I’ve decided to shake the dust off the blog to provide a comprehensive guide to each of the songs, from the perspective of a Swiftian superfan.

1. Welcome to New York

The album opens with Welcome to New York, a song that was released last week as an album teaser. I had listened to this song about twenty times before the album was even released, and I’m still not sure I even like it. It’s a clear album-starter to get us warmed up to the synthy, electronic sound, but it’s pretty overworked and the lyrics are somewhat elementary. But it’s a pop song, and as pop songs do, it wiggles its way into your brain, and after about five listens, the hook of “we can dance to this beat (beat), /forevermore” is permanently lodged in there.

It’s also the song on 1989 that has brought Swift the most criticism. If it were about the lackadaisical, forced catchiness, then I might agree, but instead, critics have pointed to the unrealistic nature of Swift’s lyrics. Taylor Swift, they argue, is not a true New Yorker. Taylor Swift does not ride the subway. She does not get harassed by countless numbers of men on her walk to work. She does not have to carry a couch three flights up the stairs in a broken down apartment building in West Harlem, only to find that there are bed bugs, and the last tenant’s condom wrappers strewn about the dirt-streaked carpet. And they’re right. She does not have to do those things, because Taylor Swift is rich and famous, and bought two penthouse apartments, and did not have to carry her luggage because she was busy hanging out with Lena Dunham.

But, I mean, come on. Do we criticize Beyonce for clearing out the hordes of people at the Louvre in Paris so she could stand unobstructed with Jay-Z for a picture in front of the Mona Lisa? No, because apparently, that’s a normal, real way to experience that museum. Taylor Swift is a pop singer, singing about her idea of New York, and the city as a metaphor for a new type of sound she is going for in her music. New York is a representation of the new, and the bold, and the different. It’s not meant to be anything else, except for maybe the song played during New York Knicks montages on ESPN, or as the introduction song for the next time the VMAs are held in Brooklyn.

The fact that I just wrote 500 words in defense of Welcome to New York, an admittedly poor Swift song, makes me sad. Let’s move on.

2. Blank Space

Blank Space is the most mature song that Taylor Swift has ever made. It’s also incredibly well-placed on the album, and one of the best, sound-wise. “Got a long list of ex-lovers, / they’ll tell you I’m insane,” Swift sings, directly addressing her status as pop culture’s most famous ex-girlfriend. As Welcome to New York introduces the sound of the album, Blank Space introduces the lyrical themes. Swift gives us a nod of understanding here – she knows she’s famous in a major part due to her relationships with celebrities. As tabloid-addicted Americans, we want to know everything about these relationships. And Swift knows this. She wants us to be interested, and ask questions. Why do these relationships always crash and burn? Why does Taylor Swift always write songs about them?

Because writing songs about jilted love has always been what Swift has done best. But here, she takes the blame away from her lover, and allows us to take a look at a question long gone unanswered in the Swift canon: How does she actually view herself in the context of these relationships? As “a nightmare dressed as a daydream,” apparently.

3. Style

Style is one of the rare occasions where I enjoy the verses more than the chorus. They’ve got a rhythmic build-up to them, instead of staying on the same wavelength. It’s got a pretty good drum beat, which makes it a decent walking song as well. The chorus doesn’t do it quite as much for me, until the last minute, where Swift steps on the gas a bit more and brings the song home.

I do appreciate the song’s lyrics, which discuss the seeming honeymoon period of a relationship with a dude with “that James Dean look” in his eyes. My detective skills tell me the song’s title is a hint to the mystery man – One Direction’s Harry Styles, who we were already told back in 2012 was “trouble when he walked in”. Honestly, the identity of the celebrity in [insert Taylor Swift song here] doesn’t matter to me – it’s a famous, always has been, probably always will be. The spark of meeting someone and spending a night with them, though, is really well explained in this song, celebrity or not.

4. Out of the Woods

This song was produced and co-written by Fun. guitarist Jack Antonoff, who is also the boyfriend of aforementioned Lena Dunham, one of Taylor Swift’s best friends. The song, released a couple weeks ago, has also been the most critically acclaimed of the album so far. I don’t really get that. It’s a great song, with a fantastic production value and driving, powerful drums in the background. Swift’s vocals, long her most criticized element as a singer-songwriter, actually do the song wonders.

But for God’s sake, the repetition. Taylor, you’ve asked us 37 times if you’re out of the woods yet. I think you made it. I hope Harry Styles doesn’t have a scar from the twenty stiches he got because he drove his snowmobile erratically.

Actually, on second thought, putting this song on repeat has made it one of my favorites. Repeat away, Ms. Swift.

5. All You Had To Do Was Stay

This is my favorite song on the album. It’s pretty in line with the Swift formula of lyrics, discussing a former lover trying to return to the relationship. Taylor, though, is full of [insert celebrity here]’s crap, and decides that keeping the relationship from starting again is the right move to make.

But musically, it does everything a pop song should. Its verses move quickly, and build up momentum to the chorus. The chorus is a classic driving-with-the-windows-down powerhouse. The bridge slows the song down slightly, and then we get the classic Taylor moment where the vocals go up high and bring the song home. Nothing else to it, really, and nothing much else to discuss. Fantastic song.

6. Shake It Off

Taylor Swift’s sorry-I’m-not-sorry moment.

The song is a testament to her staying power. So much criticism, for her vocals, for her one-dimensional lyrics, for her status as a lovelorn celebrity whose problems are not real/important. And instead of dancing with molly, or shaving off her hair, or over-sexualizing herself, Taylor Swift reminds us that she is rich, and famous, and that she can write a song about dancing like a ridiculous person who has no idea what she’s doing, and that song will get 800,000,000 hits on YouTube and she will go back to her penthouse and watch Law and Order without even batting an eyelash.

I think Taylor Swift has excellent parents.

7. I Wish You Would

This song seems to be an antithesis of “All You Had To Do Was Stay”. Taylor, do you want him to come back or not?

I don’t know, and it seems, neither does she.

(Taylor shrugs and wins another Grammy)

8. Bad Blood

Apparently, Katy Perry pissed off Taylor Swift, and Taylor Swift responded with “Bad Blood”. I write this with a fair amount of anti-Katy Perry bias. I don’t like any of her music. So good for Swift, I guess. But the song could be about anybody, even [insert celebrity here]. We only know otherwise because of a Rolling Stone interview.

But this song is awesome. Swift really stretches the vocals, and the drumbeat is pounding, and the emotion is just so present. She goes up high and destroys some of the notes on this song. Hopefully she can do it with as much fervor in a live performance.

9. Wildest Dreams

This song was written and sung by Lana Del Rey and I refuse to be told otherwise.

It’s fantastic though.

10. How You Get The Girl

I didn’t quite like this one at first. Its melody pretty closely mimics All You Had To Do Was Stay, and while at first I found that to be lazy, I quickly came to the conclusion that that melody is catchy and fun and enjoyable to listen to.

The backbone of the song is a light, fruitful guitar riff, which gives it a bit of a throwback feel to the Fearless album. Swift comes on strong late with a couple of vocal change-ups that make it yet another enjoyable driving song. It’s not the best on the album, but it’s not one to skip.

11. This Love

The only truly boring song on the album, and the only one that I’ve skipped regularly in my eleven (twelve? fifteen?) listens of the album so far. It’s nicely written, and it deals with a lost relationship in a sad manner rather than an angry one. Written singularly by Swift, it’s the de facto love ballad of the album, a Swift trademark.

One of my favorite Swift songs, and arguably one of her best, is All Too Well, an emotional and powerful song that’s anchored, instead of hindered, by her vocals. That song works because it builds up the emotion of the lyrics into a fantastic crescendo at the end of the song. With This Love, I’m waiting for that moment to come, where Swift drives the song home, but it never does. She steps on the brakes, and the song stays slow throughout. It’s a bummer.

12. I Know Places

A Lorde-ian sound accompanies I Know Places, a song about evading the paparazzi that is sure to shock suburban parents with the word “damn”. It’s unique, for sure, but that’s about all there is to it. The verses need saving, which the chorus does for it, maybe. I don’t think there’s quite enough emotion in it to make it great. So it’s a listenable song, but far from my favorite.

13. Clean

Imogen Heap provides some backing vocals and a hefty amount of influence on the album’s closer. There’s a nice, soothing xylophone in the background, which I guess is the point, because the song is about the morning when Taylor sees [insert celebrity here] isn’t there, but that’s okay, because she’s finally clean and can move on from the relationship, and presumably, her status. It’s a good note to end on, lyrically. So I appreciate the song. Musically, it could be doing more, but Swift has never been one to end an album with a cannonball, so I give her a pass here.

An afterword:

If it seems the song reviews became a bit scant towards the end, that’s purposeful – 1989 is decidedly front-loaded, with all of the best songs in the first eight tracks of the album. But it’s listenable and enjoyable from the first to the last track, which is all I was hoping for. Thematically, I appreciate the moves Swift makes – these relationship songs really aren’t like her older ones. Even in naming a song “Style”, she’s much less direct, speaking about relationships in a more profound, pluralistic manner. When the lyrics lose some of their bite, they’re backed up by the sound, and the production, and, in many cases, the vocals.

By now, I’ve written two thousand words on thirteen songs, almost all of which I enjoy. I’ve listened the album in the teens of times. And obviously, I’m a 21 year old male, a senior in college. I’m not the target audience for 1989. I’m not supposed to be a Taylor Swift fan (even if I was, not nearly to the level that I am), and it’s an oddity about me that I accepted long ago.

But it’s not just about the music, because I don’t even like a bunch of Taylor Swift songs. It’s about a deep respect for how she deals with herself as a cultural figure. Who else gets so much attention for being “one-dimensional”? For writing love song after love song, for having mediocre vocals? I don’t think any other pop musician does. But Swift takes that attention and turns it back against the critics in such a singular manner. She admits she’s “a nightmare dressed as a daydream,” laughs about it, and shakes it off. No over-sexualization. No elopement with backup dancers. Just an admission and a laugh. She’s got nothing to prove other than that. And I respect the hell out of Taylor Swift for it.