BUT FIRST Fridays - Your Weekly Big Brother Power Rankings: Week 2

Last Week’s HoH: James (Jason relinquished after John and Becky won the Battle of the Block competition)

Last Week’s original nominees: Jackie and Steve

Last Week’s Veto Winner: Steve

Did they use the Veto?: Damn straight he did

Replacement Nominee: Jace

Votes For Eviction: 12-1 to evict Jace (Audrey with the sole vote to evict Jackie)

New Heads of Household: Becky and Shelli

Any new twists?: Oh indeed. Liz is playing the game with her twin Julia, and the two are inconspicuously switching out for one another at random. If they survive eviction for five weeks, both players will enter the game and play separately.

Kathy Griffin also made an appearance this week. She placed a telephone in the house, and informed the viewers (but not the houseguests) that the seventh person to answer the phone’s random calls throughout the week will choose three houseguests to exclude from casting a vote for eviction next Thursday.

Our Thoughts:

GARRETT: So the first Big Brother 17 week is in the bag. With it, some early drama and some rises and falls in this week’s power rankings. As this was the first week of regular play (instead of simple introductions and HoH competitions, like last week), this week’s BUT FIRST post will be focusing a bit more on the gameplay over the week, rather than our simple impressions of the houseguests that we had off the bat. We’ll also have a new section of the posts, written exclusively from our friend Craig, that will give some non-spoiler insight from the daily feeds that will give some context to the actions and emotions of the houseguests. But the Power Rankings will remain from our perspective as people who solely watch the show without any news from the feeds.

Going into the week, we had a solid idea of who our favorites would be coming out of our opening impressions. There was the gameplay maestro Audrey and her partner in crime Da’Vonne, who orchestrated a solid alliance with Heads of Household James and Jason. The foursome created a plan to evict Jace through a backdoor, and brought in Clay and Meg to solidify the plan. So it was said, and so it shall be. Or so we thought. But soon, the paranoia set in and the cracks began to show.

Now, we’ve been watching Big Brother for a long time. But even without being superfans of the show, there are some clear tropes that players of the game consistently fall into that, from the outside looking in, seem easily avoidable. Audrey and Da’Vonne, though, failed to maintain their composure and set themselves up as monster targets for the coming weeks.

And then there’s Jace. I actually didn’t mind the guy, and he put up a hell of a fight to keep himself in the game. I always respect people who want to be there and understand just how special it is to play Big Brother. Jace, no matter how much he annoyed the other houseguests, seemed to relish his spot. And for that I’ll miss him.

Without further ado, here’s our rankings for the week:

BOTTOM FIVE:

5. Austin

GARRETT: Austin seems to be a bit more level-headed than we expected in our first impression of him. And he seems to have friends in the house through a solid social game so far. But he’s included in the bottom this week because of a clear disadvantage with his loss of main ally Jace. The two were a clear bromance-in-the-making, and Austin is now adrift without an air guitar buddy for the time being. But I see him working back towards the top and making himself a main competitor as we move forward.

JAIME: I don’t know what I’m going to do now that we won’t get to hear Austin and Jace call each other “bro” twenty times each episode.  I think Austin is in a really interesting place now - he’s definitely at a loss with his main ally gone, but he was smart enough to vote for Jace and distance himself when he knew saving Jace was a longshot.  I’m curious to see who he’s going to get close with in the house now that Jace is gone, and hopefully whoever he picks will reflect better on his gameplay.

4. Jackie

GARRETT: I don’t really have an issue with Jackie so far, but she seems like a perennial pawn in the making. She doesn’t seem to have too many close friends, and her one confidant, Jeff, seems more than satisfied allowing himself to drift apart from her to save his own game. She’s not a bad person or a bad player, but seems like the most vulnerable floater in a house that’s quickly starting to form multiple little power structures.

JAIME: She stands out a lot too because most of the other players have jumped in already with the gameplay.  She’s not part of any of the big moves, or at least not instrumental enough in anything that her contributions make it to the show.  She needs to figure out who to align herself with, because the more the house keeps pulling itself in two directions, anyone left on their own is going to stand out massively.

3. John

GARRETT: I just really can’t stand his voice. As far as I’m concerned, dude is in the bottom until he’s walking out the door. He too seems like a floater. If he can’t get people to believe he’s even a dentist, how can he get people to believe him in the game?

JAIME: I like him fine enough in the house, but then he goes in the diary room and then he becomes the worst person in the world.  I don’t even want him to gain more power in the game because then he might have more to say in the diary room.

2. Da’Vonne

GARRETT: A quick fall from grace from one of our favorites from the opening week. Her overreaction to the curiosity of the other houseguests, who were just wondering what she was doing in a bedroom, quickly turned into a catastrophe and labelled Da’Vonne as a loose cannon. There’s just no reason for her to have lost her head like that. It came off as arrogant, and clearly Da’Vonne thought she was in a position of power where she could act as such. But it just showed her paranoia and inability to maintain her cool in a situation that had no reason to get out of hand.

JAIME: It was such a huge overreaction, and somehow it ended in her deciding not to trust Audrey, who from the first day had been her closest friend in the house.  She went from 0-100 really quickly, and I can’t imagine any of the houseguests who witnessed her blowing up would see her as someone to trust.  She was so immensely paranoid, and for a situation that didn’t actually involve the game itself.  What’s going to happen when it actually involves someone’s gameplay?  

1. Audrey

GARRETT: From number 1 champ to number 1 chump is a heavy toll to exact, but it’s one we had to make this week. Audrey committed not one, but two cardinal sins of early-week Big Brother this week, first through a massive overplaying of the game and not consulting her alliance before trying to add on new members, and then through revealing herself as the mastermind of Jace’s eviction to Jace himself (through a poorly-acted lie). You just can’t overstep your bounds this early on when there are so many people. It sets you up as a monster target and puts a completely unnecessary target on your back. I’m sad to have seen Audrey make these mistakes, because I do like her personality a lot. Hopefully Audrey avoids the blowback from this situation and can reclaim a spot in the Top Five moving forward.

JAIME: Also, when trying to add new members to your alliance, maybe don’t pull them from their beds at 5 AM, bring them up to the HOH room, and then ask, “So why can we trust you?”  I literally didn’t understand any of the moves she made this week.  She played Jace so well at first - she made him think he was going to be safe, and that they, Austin, and James were going to work together to get out Jason.  And then she just completely blew up everything, for absolutely no reason.  It’s like she’s making moves just for the sake of making moves, and forming alliances for the sake of forming alliances.  She’s not letting any part of the game happen naturally, and if she keeps forcing everything, people are going to get really tired of her.

TOP FIVE:

5. Jason

GARRETT: Jason lost his spot as Head of Household last week, but managed to form an alliance and kept most of the blood off his hands. One of his nominees, Becky, will probably put him up this week, but he seems to have made enough inroads socially to avoid any worrying about his safety moving forward.

JAIME: Jason seems like he’s in a really good spot socially in the game.  He proved himself as a strong player by winning the first HOH competition, but I can’t see him being a huge target for at least a couple weeks.  Everyone seems to like him, and it seems like he’s very willing to use that to his advantage.

4. Liz/Julia

GARRETT: Liz wasn’t a favorite of mine in the opening week because she just didn’t seem to have much to her personality. Sagittarius from Miami is a bit drab, but I can see that the producers likely simplified her in order to ease the twist of her twin, Julia, joining the fun. I’m excited to see them move forward, and I’m happy that the producers are still finding new ways to shake the game up even in its seventeenth season.

JAIME: I’m still not totally sold on the twins twist, just because I think it’ll only really have a good payoff if Liz and Julia wind up being instrumental to some aspect of the gameplay, like an eviction campaign.  For now she seems really content to sit around and ask the guys to tell her she’s pretty, so, as long as she’s enjoying herself.

3. Becky/Shelli

GARRETT: Both Becky and Shelli get the third spot as co-Heads of Household this week, because they find themselves in a very similar situation. Both are slightly on the outside looking in on the main action in the house, and both have maintained a couple solid relationships. They’re both likable people. I’m looking at them as using this week to solidify themselves within the main social circle in the house moving forward.

JAIME: This week will also hopefully give Becky and Shelli the chance to cement themselves in the house.  We haven’t seen much of them so far, and don’t really have a sense of where they’re fitting in.  But now that they’re both HOH, they’re in a position where other people are going to need them, which hopefully they’ll parlay into relationships that affect the rest of their game.

2. Clay

GARRETT: While Clay didn’t have any power last week, or earn any power this week, he managed to set himself up as arguably the most likable person in the house on top of finding himself as a go-to for power moves from James and Audrey. He exposed Da’Vonne’s paranoia without getting any blood on his hands from the rest of the houseguests. He’s a confidant, has no enemies, and is just so damn good looking that I don’t think he’ll be in any trouble moving forward. His closest ally, Shelli, is in power this week, so I think he’ll have a major say in any big decision that she makes.

JAIME: Clay is also in a really unique position because his physical game is probably just as imposing as Jace’s, if not moreso.  But no one’s really brought him up as a threat, probably because he seems to get along with everyone.  He seems smart enough to avoid getting into fights with people - even when Da’Vonne flipped out on him, he went and apologized, just to keep the peace.  Also, he’s so, so pretty.  He needs to stay in the house for a while so I can keep looking at him.  

1. James

GARRETT: It was about as strong of an opening Head of Household term as one could have for James this week, as he was able to take out a threatening physical presence, form an alliance, and keep the blood off his hands all in one go. Audrey took almost all of the fault for Jace’s eviction and cast herself as a villain, allowing James to skate by. He’s the main player in the social circle, and a quality person who understands how the game is supposed to be played. He’s lied without being malicious, yet shown his ability to be trusted. Plus, as an added bonus, he seems to have lost the need to constantly talk about being an Asian guy with a Southern accent.

JAIME: Yeah, now that he’s seemingly given up on constantly reminding us that he’s an Asian man from the south, I can fully like James.  I was so impressed by what he said after putting Jace up for eviction - that it was a decision he made completely on his own, to benefit his own gameplay.  He really left no room for Jace to start thinking that there was some movement in the house working against him.  Really, the only reason Jace figured it out was because Audrey pretty much told him.  Otherwise, James’ game was totally clean, and he perfectly carried out every single part of the plan that he formed almost immediately after being named HOH.

CRAIG:

Alright, now for what’s been going on behind the scenes, we’ve definitely got to talk about Audrey this week. Show viewers might be a little confused as to why she voted to evict Jackie, despite her original campaign to get Jace out of the house, and the subsequent blow-up the two of them had after Audrey essentially outed herself, but those of us watching the live feeds know exactly what was behind the seemingly sketchy vote.

As we all know, things can change on a dime in the Big Brother house, and with so many houseguests ready to become real players this year, it’s been a whirlwind keeping up with the house politics. There’s been more game talk and maneuvers in the first fifteen days of BB17 than in all of BB15 and BB16 combined. The energy in the house reminds me of the first day of BB7, All-Stars. These guys are here to play.

But Big Brother is a marathon, not a sprint, and every year we see houseguests who forget this mantra. Audrey is chief among them this year. If you think she’s been over-reaching with game talk and strategy on the show, you should see her on the feeds. It just. Doesn’t. Stop. At breakfast, it’s game talk. In the bathroom, game talk. Five in the morning, game talk. Playing volleyball in the back yard? Nope, just another opportunity for game talk. It’s overboard. ESPECIALLY for the first week. This is when houseguests should try ingratiating themselves into the group as a whole, but Audrey’s barely revealed anything personal or specific about herself or her life other than the fact that she’s transgender. People don’t know her. They don’t have personal connections with her. And when you don’t have connections with someone in the BB house, then you don’t have qualms about getting rid of them.

Which may be in the cards for Audrey this week. Though she managed to corral an alliance to support James’s decision to backdoor Jace, her constant strategizing and refusal to stop talking game turned them all (James, Jason, Shelli, Clay, Meg, Da’Vonne, and Jeff) against her in a matter of days. But Audrey’s good at the game, even she can’t seem to stop playing it, and caught on pretty much right away. So she teamed up with Austin, who saw an opportunity to save his bro, and they agreed to work together and rally the “outcasts” of the house (Vanessa, John, Steve, and Liz) into keeping Jace.

But again, Audrey took the machinations too far, and exposed her former alliance in front of the entire house, which earned like, everyone’s ire, and made the “outcasts” wary of voting against the house. And so they didn’t, but Audrey never checked in with anyone before the live show, so she voted for Jackie. And is going to have quite the week of scrambling ahead of her if she doesn’t want to follow in Jace’s footsteps next Thursday.

BUT FIRST Fridays - Your Weekly Big Brother Power Rankings

It’s a new season of our favorite CBS reality show! And nothing goes better with a thrice-weekly viewing of the comedy that is Big Brother than a weekly recap and power rankings, because what is reality TV without gross overanalysis? That’s exactly what we thought, which is why you’re reading the first of the “BUT FIRST” series, where my good friend and reality-TV confidante Jaime and I will be bringing you our recaps and power rankings every single Friday. This season has shown some promise in its first two episodes, so we’re excited to get way too invested as the summer moves along.

Normally these posts will have some more exciting events, because the houseguests will probably start lying and manipulating each other in week 2.  But this is only the first week, so things got off to a slow start.  Of course, things are still interesting in the Big Brother house, and as always, there are twists that are going to affect the game throughout the season.  For one thing, the Battle of the Block is back from last season.  This means that each week will have two head of households, who each nominate two houseguests for eviction.  Those four houseguests will be able to compete to save themselves and remove their names from the chopping block, and the HOH who nominated them can go up in their place.  Meaning, someone could go from being HOH to being evicted in the same week.

Additionally, there will be constant twists thrown in weekly that will change the game up.  There’s also a secret twist that, so far, only the audience knows: one of the houseguests has a twin, and they’ll be switching back and forth with their twin in the house.  If the houseguest makes it past the first five evictions, then their twin will enter the game as an individual player.  Knowing Big Brother’s history with huge, game-changing twists, the guest with a twin will probably be the first person evicted and the whole concept will be ruined, but we’re optimistic.

The sixteen houseguests entered the house in groups of eight during Wednesday and Thursday’s episodes.  Then, each group of eight competed in an HOH challenge, and after being sprayed with tomato juice and alien go, James and Jason, respectively, were named this week’s heads of household.

Since it’s only the first week, we haven’t gotten the fun parts of the game yet, like eviction nominations or the power of veto competitions.  But this week’s episodes were all about first impressions, which helped certain houseguests establish themselves as powerful players who potentially could control the course of the game.  Based on our impressions of the houseguests, we created rankings of the five most and least powerful players for the week.

Here’s how the weekly power rankings are going to work: we’re going to evaluate the houseguests based on their standing in the house and position in the game, ultimately ranking them on their likelihood of winning.  Part of that is going to be based on the players themselves and how they approach the game, while factoring in how they performed in that week’s competitions and how the other players see them, if that changes their gameplay.

So here are our rankings for this week, starting with the bottom five players in descending order, where, basically, five is the least terrible and one is the most terrible (or has the least power, but that essentially means the same thing, right?).

Bottom Five:

5. Steve

JAIME: Steve was very purposely ranked at #5 because he’s not as annoying as some of the other houseguests, so he’s got that going for him.  Most of his screentime was devoted to building up the idea that he’s shy and awkward and doesn’t spend time with other people, especially women, and I can’t really tell yet if he’s genuinely that awkward socially or if it’s just a stereotype they want to play up.  But he’s a self-professed Big Brother superfan, and winds up being the first person eliminated from the HOH competition - and then is the first person to acknowledge that he’s probably lost his chance to create a good first impression on the other houseguests.  He might have screwed up his chances already, which would be a shame, because I’m looking forward to watching him learn how to interact with women.

GARRETT: Ian was the same way off the bat a few seasons ago. His lack of threat in terms of the competitions helped him get to the middle of the game and allowed him to tack on as a fifth member of an alliance. I’m thinking Steve takes the same angle. But Ian’s strategy already happened, and the rest of the house should be watching out for it.

4. Austin

JAIME: I actually wound up liking Austin, but when he was first introduced, he was talking about how he has an alter ego and I don’t know, I think he might go crazy at some point.  He seems nice enough for now, though.  He’s 6’5” and really likes to talk about how huge he is, and the other men who entered the house with him on Wednesday night seemed to gravitate towards him.  But everyone this year seems to be really focused on how tall they are, and using that as a barometer of how they’re going to do in the game.  I don’t get it, but especially since James gained so much power so early on, I think Austin might come off as too intimidating and immediately become a target.

GARRETT: You weren’t wooed by the masters degree in medieval romance literature?

JAIME: Wait, I actually forgot all about that.  I was a little wooed by that.  That’s genuinely awesome.

3. Liz

JAIME: Liz is annoying and one of the first things she said was, “I don’t like jealous girls,” so already, I don’t like Liz.  I think the show is hoping for tension between her and Shelli over Clay (or just male attention in general), and I can’t see her eagerly going along with Audrey’s plan for an all-female alliance.  That could work to her benefit if she gets in with some of the men, but if her strategy only involves starting a showmance, she’s not going to make it very far.

GARRETT: She just seems very cookie-cutter. Nothing exciting about her. When the first thing you say is “I’m a Sagittarius” then I’m probably not gonna love you.

2. Meg

JAIME: Meg might be the single most annoying person I have ever encountered in my life and I hope the other houseguests start to hate her as much as I hate her.

GARRETT: “I have a gay best friend. He’s my gusband.” Congratulations. You’re so brave.

JAIME: Her biography on the CBS website includes the fact that straight men love her because she’s a cool, blonde, girl next door, and gay men love her because she’s fun.  She needs to go, please.

1. John

JAIME: John is allegedly a dentist, but I can’t really see why anyone would trust or pay him to do anything.  He’s one of those people who thinks he has to scream in the diary room, and after the HOH competition sprayed alien goo on him, he implied that he might wind up impregnated by an alien.  He’s annoying.  I can see the other houseguests growing tired of him really quickly.

GARRETT: John sounds like a squealing pig doing an impression of a dying giraffe that sounds like Maria Sharapova hitting a tennis ball.

Top 5:

5. Clay

JAIME: Clay is really pretty and we were introduced to him by seeing him feed baby animals, so.  I’m a fan of Clay.  Moreover, all the women are fans of Clay, and considering Liz and Shelli’s apparent willingness to have a showmance, I think the women are going to try and align with him.  We don’t have any sense of his strategy yet, and I still feel totally confident saying that he’s going to stick around for a while.

GARRETT: There’s really nobody, looks-wise, that stacks up to him. It’s a very underrated characteristic in this game. He’s coveted, and he’s very nice and doesn’t seem to be a guy who’s going to get in anybody’s face. I’m looking at him to stick around for a while.

JAIME: I’m looking at him, too.  Ayyyyyyyy

4. Jason

GARRETT: Wow, Jason is a character. One of the more flamboyant contestants, standing out amongst a sea of flamboyant contestants over this show’s history. I’m not a fan, because he doesn’t seem genuine. But he’s endearing to the other houseguests, and more importantly, has one of the HOH keys. I’ll probably be voting for him to be in the bottom later on, especially if he loses HOH in the Battle of the Block, but for now, he’s in a solid spot.

JAIME: Yeah, I see him as one of those people whose position in the house is going to rely a lot on how he does in competitions.  The other houseguests do seem to like him (and I’m sure Meg will absolutely love him), but I can see him fluctuating a lot.  I feel like he’ll wind up being a floater.

3. Da’Vonne

JAIME: Da’Vonne actually seems smart, and is intelligent enough to hide that from the other houseguests.  It’s a reality show, so they always have to get people to fit certain boxes and play up their stereotypes, and while Da’Vonne was probably put on the show so CBS can feel good about how diverse they are, she’s not the person playing up any prejudice someone might have based on her background.  She’s the first person to remind you that she’s a single mother from Inglewood, but so far she seems like she’s letting other people create that stereotype.  She’s not playing it up herself to hide how intelligent she actually is.

GARRETT: You’re definitely right about CBS bringing her on as a show of their inclusive diversity. And it’s sad that year after year, their diverse member of the cast fails to make an impact. Constantly, the black women that come on this show have a lack of screen time and fail, oftentimes, to even reach the jury, with no help from production and editing. I’m hoping that Da’Vonne continues to garner a solid amount of screen time, because she’s a solid player who seems to be jumping right into the thick of things with a trust-no-one attitude.

2. James

JAIME: James really, really likes to remind people that he’s used to working hard to change people’s impressions of him, which I guess does give him a social edge and might make him pretty successful at turning people to his way of thinking, but like we get it, please talk about something else.  Otherwise, he impressed people really quickly with his performance in the first HOH competition.  Normally that would make someone a huge target, but everyone seemed genuinely impressed with him, which is hard to pull off.  I think he’s going to fly low on everyone’s radar for a while, despite already making it clear that he knows how to play this game.

GARRETT: His HOH this week is key. I’m rooting for him to retain it and use his nominations to leapfrog into a solid alliance (I’m thinking with the guys). He’s sociable and kind, and of everybody who looked like they would have been taken aback by Audrey’s moment of honesty, he seemed to respond in a positive way. Once his “I need to prove real quick how southern and outdoorsy I am” mentality wears off, I think I’ll like him more. I think he’s a lot like Caleb from last year, if Caleb was a quieter, smaller Asian man who wasn’t as quick to give his loyalty away.

1. Audrey

JAIME: Audrey might be the most likable player this year, at least so far.  Her immediate strategy is for all the girls to stick together; I can see that backfiring, but hopefully she’s smart enough to abandon ship if she needs to.  She’s also the first transgender Big Brother contestant, and openly shares that fact, which seems to gain her respect from the other houseguests.  It was a smart move to be so open, because she immediately created an emotional connection with everyone, and I don’t think she’ll be on James or Jason’s minds when they start considering who to nominate for eviction.

GARRETT: I’m glad she put the transgender thing out in the open right off the bat. Her fidelity definitely helps her out and puts her firmly within everybody’s likability. But she’s also clearly a great player, making quick pacts and getting ahead of the game. But she’s not trying to do too much too quickly, either.

That’s it for week one of Big Brother!  We’ll be back next Friday with an update on what’s been happening in the house and our new power rankings.  Hopefully no one gets too annoying too early in the game, but as always, we have to expect the unexpected.

A Taylor Swift Superfan's Comprehensive, Song-by-Song Guide to 1989: A Decidedly Biased Album Review

By now, many of you have been made aware of the latest entry into the pop culture canon by Ms. Taylor Swift. It’s an album called 1989, named after the year of her birth, and it contains thirteen songs (plus three bonus tracks! Available at Target® now!). And it’s currently sweeping the nation, sure to debut at #1 on the Billboard charts, as each of the last three Swift albums have done.

You may also have been aware that the album is Swift’s first “documented, official pop album,” a veering away from the country-influenced, teardrops-on-my-guitar love songs that have made Swift famous and successful for the past eight years. As many critics have written, the album is indeed different, and yet, each song distinctly sounds like a Taylor Swift song (with the exception of one, which I’ll get to later). It’s a confusing, uncharted area for many of the millions who listen to Swift, either voluntarily or forcibly. So I’ve decided to shake the dust off the blog to provide a comprehensive guide to each of the songs, from the perspective of a Swiftian superfan.

1. Welcome to New York

The album opens with Welcome to New York, a song that was released last week as an album teaser. I had listened to this song about twenty times before the album was even released, and I’m still not sure I even like it. It’s a clear album-starter to get us warmed up to the synthy, electronic sound, but it’s pretty overworked and the lyrics are somewhat elementary. But it’s a pop song, and as pop songs do, it wiggles its way into your brain, and after about five listens, the hook of “we can dance to this beat (beat), /forevermore” is permanently lodged in there.

It’s also the song on 1989 that has brought Swift the most criticism. If it were about the lackadaisical, forced catchiness, then I might agree, but instead, critics have pointed to the unrealistic nature of Swift’s lyrics. Taylor Swift, they argue, is not a true New Yorker. Taylor Swift does not ride the subway. She does not get harassed by countless numbers of men on her walk to work. She does not have to carry a couch three flights up the stairs in a broken down apartment building in West Harlem, only to find that there are bed bugs, and the last tenant’s condom wrappers strewn about the dirt-streaked carpet. And they’re right. She does not have to do those things, because Taylor Swift is rich and famous, and bought two penthouse apartments, and did not have to carry her luggage because she was busy hanging out with Lena Dunham.

But, I mean, come on. Do we criticize Beyonce for clearing out the hordes of people at the Louvre in Paris so she could stand unobstructed with Jay-Z for a picture in front of the Mona Lisa? No, because apparently, that’s a normal, real way to experience that museum. Taylor Swift is a pop singer, singing about her idea of New York, and the city as a metaphor for a new type of sound she is going for in her music. New York is a representation of the new, and the bold, and the different. It’s not meant to be anything else, except for maybe the song played during New York Knicks montages on ESPN, or as the introduction song for the next time the VMAs are held in Brooklyn.

The fact that I just wrote 500 words in defense of Welcome to New York, an admittedly poor Swift song, makes me sad. Let’s move on.

2. Blank Space

Blank Space is the most mature song that Taylor Swift has ever made. It’s also incredibly well-placed on the album, and one of the best, sound-wise. “Got a long list of ex-lovers, / they’ll tell you I’m insane,” Swift sings, directly addressing her status as pop culture’s most famous ex-girlfriend. As Welcome to New York introduces the sound of the album, Blank Space introduces the lyrical themes. Swift gives us a nod of understanding here – she knows she’s famous in a major part due to her relationships with celebrities. As tabloid-addicted Americans, we want to know everything about these relationships. And Swift knows this. She wants us to be interested, and ask questions. Why do these relationships always crash and burn? Why does Taylor Swift always write songs about them?

Because writing songs about jilted love has always been what Swift has done best. But here, she takes the blame away from her lover, and allows us to take a look at a question long gone unanswered in the Swift canon: How does she actually view herself in the context of these relationships? As “a nightmare dressed as a daydream,” apparently.

3. Style

Style is one of the rare occasions where I enjoy the verses more than the chorus. They’ve got a rhythmic build-up to them, instead of staying on the same wavelength. It’s got a pretty good drum beat, which makes it a decent walking song as well. The chorus doesn’t do it quite as much for me, until the last minute, where Swift steps on the gas a bit more and brings the song home.

I do appreciate the song’s lyrics, which discuss the seeming honeymoon period of a relationship with a dude with “that James Dean look” in his eyes. My detective skills tell me the song’s title is a hint to the mystery man – One Direction’s Harry Styles, who we were already told back in 2012 was “trouble when he walked in”. Honestly, the identity of the celebrity in [insert Taylor Swift song here] doesn’t matter to me – it’s a famous, always has been, probably always will be. The spark of meeting someone and spending a night with them, though, is really well explained in this song, celebrity or not.

4. Out of the Woods

This song was produced and co-written by Fun. guitarist Jack Antonoff, who is also the boyfriend of aforementioned Lena Dunham, one of Taylor Swift’s best friends. The song, released a couple weeks ago, has also been the most critically acclaimed of the album so far. I don’t really get that. It’s a great song, with a fantastic production value and driving, powerful drums in the background. Swift’s vocals, long her most criticized element as a singer-songwriter, actually do the song wonders.

But for God’s sake, the repetition. Taylor, you’ve asked us 37 times if you’re out of the woods yet. I think you made it. I hope Harry Styles doesn’t have a scar from the twenty stiches he got because he drove his snowmobile erratically.

Actually, on second thought, putting this song on repeat has made it one of my favorites. Repeat away, Ms. Swift.

5. All You Had To Do Was Stay

This is my favorite song on the album. It’s pretty in line with the Swift formula of lyrics, discussing a former lover trying to return to the relationship. Taylor, though, is full of [insert celebrity here]’s crap, and decides that keeping the relationship from starting again is the right move to make.

But musically, it does everything a pop song should. Its verses move quickly, and build up momentum to the chorus. The chorus is a classic driving-with-the-windows-down powerhouse. The bridge slows the song down slightly, and then we get the classic Taylor moment where the vocals go up high and bring the song home. Nothing else to it, really, and nothing much else to discuss. Fantastic song.

6. Shake It Off

Taylor Swift’s sorry-I’m-not-sorry moment.

The song is a testament to her staying power. So much criticism, for her vocals, for her one-dimensional lyrics, for her status as a lovelorn celebrity whose problems are not real/important. And instead of dancing with molly, or shaving off her hair, or over-sexualizing herself, Taylor Swift reminds us that she is rich, and famous, and that she can write a song about dancing like a ridiculous person who has no idea what she’s doing, and that song will get 800,000,000 hits on YouTube and she will go back to her penthouse and watch Law and Order without even batting an eyelash.

I think Taylor Swift has excellent parents.

7. I Wish You Would

This song seems to be an antithesis of “All You Had To Do Was Stay”. Taylor, do you want him to come back or not?

I don’t know, and it seems, neither does she.

(Taylor shrugs and wins another Grammy)

8. Bad Blood

Apparently, Katy Perry pissed off Taylor Swift, and Taylor Swift responded with “Bad Blood”. I write this with a fair amount of anti-Katy Perry bias. I don’t like any of her music. So good for Swift, I guess. But the song could be about anybody, even [insert celebrity here]. We only know otherwise because of a Rolling Stone interview.

But this song is awesome. Swift really stretches the vocals, and the drumbeat is pounding, and the emotion is just so present. She goes up high and destroys some of the notes on this song. Hopefully she can do it with as much fervor in a live performance.

9. Wildest Dreams

This song was written and sung by Lana Del Rey and I refuse to be told otherwise.

It’s fantastic though.

10. How You Get The Girl

I didn’t quite like this one at first. Its melody pretty closely mimics All You Had To Do Was Stay, and while at first I found that to be lazy, I quickly came to the conclusion that that melody is catchy and fun and enjoyable to listen to.

The backbone of the song is a light, fruitful guitar riff, which gives it a bit of a throwback feel to the Fearless album. Swift comes on strong late with a couple of vocal change-ups that make it yet another enjoyable driving song. It’s not the best on the album, but it’s not one to skip.

11. This Love

The only truly boring song on the album, and the only one that I’ve skipped regularly in my eleven (twelve? fifteen?) listens of the album so far. It’s nicely written, and it deals with a lost relationship in a sad manner rather than an angry one. Written singularly by Swift, it’s the de facto love ballad of the album, a Swift trademark.

One of my favorite Swift songs, and arguably one of her best, is All Too Well, an emotional and powerful song that’s anchored, instead of hindered, by her vocals. That song works because it builds up the emotion of the lyrics into a fantastic crescendo at the end of the song. With This Love, I’m waiting for that moment to come, where Swift drives the song home, but it never does. She steps on the brakes, and the song stays slow throughout. It’s a bummer.

12. I Know Places

A Lorde-ian sound accompanies I Know Places, a song about evading the paparazzi that is sure to shock suburban parents with the word “damn”. It’s unique, for sure, but that’s about all there is to it. The verses need saving, which the chorus does for it, maybe. I don’t think there’s quite enough emotion in it to make it great. So it’s a listenable song, but far from my favorite.

13. Clean

Imogen Heap provides some backing vocals and a hefty amount of influence on the album’s closer. There’s a nice, soothing xylophone in the background, which I guess is the point, because the song is about the morning when Taylor sees [insert celebrity here] isn’t there, but that’s okay, because she’s finally clean and can move on from the relationship, and presumably, her status. It’s a good note to end on, lyrically. So I appreciate the song. Musically, it could be doing more, but Swift has never been one to end an album with a cannonball, so I give her a pass here.

An afterword:

If it seems the song reviews became a bit scant towards the end, that’s purposeful – 1989 is decidedly front-loaded, with all of the best songs in the first eight tracks of the album. But it’s listenable and enjoyable from the first to the last track, which is all I was hoping for. Thematically, I appreciate the moves Swift makes – these relationship songs really aren’t like her older ones. Even in naming a song “Style”, she’s much less direct, speaking about relationships in a more profound, pluralistic manner. When the lyrics lose some of their bite, they’re backed up by the sound, and the production, and, in many cases, the vocals.

By now, I’ve written two thousand words on thirteen songs, almost all of which I enjoy. I’ve listened the album in the teens of times. And obviously, I’m a 21 year old male, a senior in college. I’m not the target audience for 1989. I’m not supposed to be a Taylor Swift fan (even if I was, not nearly to the level that I am), and it’s an oddity about me that I accepted long ago.

But it’s not just about the music, because I don’t even like a bunch of Taylor Swift songs. It’s about a deep respect for how she deals with herself as a cultural figure. Who else gets so much attention for being “one-dimensional”? For writing love song after love song, for having mediocre vocals? I don’t think any other pop musician does. But Swift takes that attention and turns it back against the critics in such a singular manner. She admits she’s “a nightmare dressed as a daydream,” laughs about it, and shakes it off. No over-sexualization. No elopement with backup dancers. Just an admission and a laugh. She’s got nothing to prove other than that. And I respect the hell out of Taylor Swift for it.